Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
