Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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