I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
