garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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