Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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