remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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