so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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