hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
