If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
