please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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