ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
