I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
