i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
