i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
