shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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