My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
