I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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