Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
