i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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