sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
