pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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