i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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