She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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