i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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