Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
