someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
