he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just forgot I was standing up.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
