You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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