I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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