I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
