guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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