he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
