I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
