Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
