guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
