Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
