I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
