He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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