she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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