I just threw up on my dentist
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
