found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
