i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Will exercising make me less horny?
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