Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
