i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize