I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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