the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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