I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
