I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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