4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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