Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
