then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
