Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
