It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My pussy is not your playground.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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