All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
