If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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