he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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