I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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