Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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