I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
