I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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