She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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