I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
