You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
