My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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