If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
