theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
