I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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