I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
