dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
