T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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