the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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