i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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