So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
