I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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