btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
