We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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