it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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