How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize