You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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