What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
