my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
